Late night at the Apprentice

The camera zooms in on the door to one of the suites as it opens. Private Hudson steps out, followed by a woman.

Woman: Oh Hudson, please come back!

Hudson: Sorry, Nikiii-With-Three-Eyes, my team needs me.

Nikiii: But I need you.

Hudson: I know. But I must be going. Sorry about you getting booted from the team for me. You're totally hot, though, if that's any consolation.

Nikiii: I'll miss you. Call me?

Hudson: You got it, babe.

Hudson walks past the camera and wags his eyebrows at it while Nikiii leans against the wall and sighs.

Nikiii: Oh that Hudson...

H-Man in action

Greenie McJigsaw face wasn't giving me any plan to follow, so I do what any good Colonial Marine would do, I improvise, I adapt, I overcome. Time for my own plan.

First thing's first, I gotta get Deadlok's address... that's easy though as I am an expert computer technician (I can program a sentry gun in like, 5 seconds). I hack into the Guild of Calamitous Intent's mainframe and find his mailing address.

Bingo.

That's cool, the Guild's having a bingo night. I don't have time for that though, as I just found his address. Quickly, I make my way to his house and knock on his door. It opens.

"Deathstroke, I'm here to knock you out!" I declare.


"Deathstroke? I'm not Deathstroke, he lives down the street," the villain responds. "What the hootin' hey are you doing here?"

"Er, I'm on the Apprentice... mumble mumble..."

"What? Deadpool sent you here? You get out of here, jerkie, and tell that ugly mercenary that I want my schtick back."

I went to the next door and pounded on the door. It opened.

"What d'ya want yer dang whippersnapper?" the guy said while standing in the doorway.

"Uh, are you Deathstroke?" I asked.

"What? No way sonny," he answered. "He's next door, 23 skidoo!"

"Argh, fine!" I stormed next door and pounded on it twice as hard.

"What do you want?" Deathstroke demanded.

"I got something to tell you!

"Who wants a piece of Hudson. I'm gonna knock you out Mamma said knock you out. I'm gonna knock you out.I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out.I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. Anyone who catches this one gets kudos and I will help you become the last gladiator standing. Post it in comments. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out.I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out.Ya hear."

Deathstroke leaned forward and twisted my wrist around into the most uncomfortable position.

"What... are... you... doing... here?" he growled at me.

"The... uh... Apprentice..."

"Oh for the love of... geez. Just get out of here, would you?"

Sigh, well, that didn't work so well. At least I got Deadpool a date with Deathstroke's daughter.

Our plan.

Us am going to attack Deathstroke. Me am break down door, and it fly off. It am big uncool entrance, and am very non-dramatic. Then us am attack Deatstroke. Mike am whack him bad, and Elixir am going to not help at all. Hudson am then blast him to pieces. We am pacifists. Then we am smash his mother and make Deadpool not sleep with her. It sounds like bad plan, yes? Because it amn't.

Hudson team assignment

Due to mysterious circumstances Hudson will replace Nikiii on team, I foregot the name but he's replacing her. Yup.

Private Hudson comin' through!

I'm ready, man, check it out. I am the ultimate badass! State of the badass art! You do NOT want to eff with me. Check it out! Hey everybody, don't worry. Me and my squad of ultimate badboys will protect you! Check it out! Independently targeting particle beam phalanx. Whoa! Fry half a city with this puppy. We got tactical smart missiles, phase-plasma pulse rifles, RPGs, we got sonic electronic ball breakers! We got nukes, we got knives, sharp sticks--


Outa my way, Pointdexter, there's a hero comin' through.
I'm gonna smash the competition through and through.

Stand back, giant fat guy in a diaper, the H-Man is in town.
Anyone gets in my way will surely get knocked the heck down!


Look out, Jigsaw Face, I'm the man of the hour
Shootin' 95 rounds out of my M41A Pulse Rifle is my super power!

Hey little kid in tight spandex, you seem out of your league
If you want to look at a real hero, just look at the guy in combat fatigues!

You, Henchman! I owe you one and I'm gonna put you in your place
Ooof! When I chased after you, I tripped and totally fell on my face!

The FIRST CHALLENGE

Welcome! As you all know I am Deadpool, the greatest Mercenary around. We have six more contestants joining us shortly. We're currently working on negations to get them from lent from the playboy mansion. I'm sure you're all familar with my assoicates Henchmen and Samuel L. Jackson.

"MY NAME'S NICK FURY DAMNIT!"

Shush Samuel L. the grown ups are talking. Anywaythe lawyer dude will be with Buu. You will be known as team Jumpin' Joeshausfaux. Your other three team members who are currently not here will be Crystal, Oscar, and Zombie Bill. Lawyer Dude you are project manager on this task. Sammy will be watching you perform this task.

The other team will consist of Bizzaro version of Mr. Double Poster and Elixir. Your team shall be called the Merc' Brigade Hizzle. You will be joined by Mike, Nikiii(that's with three eyes), and Banshee's Ghost! Bizzaro J'onn will be project manger for this task. Hency shall keep his eye on you guys.

Your first task shall be defeat that slack jawed loser copy cat Deathstroke. He rubs me the wrong way. Even his real name is Slade Wilson, mine's Wade Wilson. He's cramping my style. Also seduce his hawt daughter into sleeping with me. Each project manager will post their plan on how to do this. The other team members are to post their accounts how the mission went and why their project manager sucks donkey balls. My judges shall report back to me what they thought and why they think you accomplished or failed.

You am let me die- -

If me amn't going to register eventually, me get to die! Do remember to unregister later!