The Apprentice: Mercenary Edition

2006-11-26T18:52:00.000-08:00

I've paid my dues -
Time after time -
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime -
And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face -
But I've come through

I am the champion - my friends
And I'll keep on fighting - till the end -
I am the champion -
I am the champion
No time for losers
'Cause I am the champion - of Deadpool's The Apprentice: Mercenary Edition -

I've taken my bows
And my curtain calls -
You brought me fame and fortune
and everything that goes with it
-
I thank you all -

But it's been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise -
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race -
And I ain't gonna lose -

I am the champion - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end -
I am the champion -
I am the champion
No time for losers
'Cause I am the champion - of Deadpool's The Apprentice: Mercenary Edition -

TEH WINNAH!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-22T22:15:00.000-08:00

Since I don't care and it seems the majorty of contestants of disappeared. and our ratings are low that we're about to be cancelled and I'm drunk I've decided to fire everyone here. And make my apprentice Hudson! You shall receive the boon of being under my tutalage. I shall teach you how to pick up hot babes and kill their boyfriends.

The rest of you are utter failures. Except the playboy bunnies, who are total greatness in the form of women. And they're apprentices too. That's lesson number one Hudson, always be nice to hawt girls. Unless their mean ****es.

And remember to buy the DVD so we can come back next year on MyNetwork TV.

2006-11-16T16:42:00.000-08:00

"B-bugs?" Hudson asked.

"Oh yeah," I replied. "Real big ones. Just huge. Kind like that one behind you."

Hudson suddenly jumped in the air and spun around. His eyes frantically scanned the dark parking lot behind the 7-11 where we were hanging out. Then he looked down and saw the biggest freaking cockroach I'd ever seen.

"You mean that thing?" he asked, pointing at it.

"Yeah. But you know, much bigger."

Hudson lifted his boot and slammed it down on top of the roach. "Booyah! That's what I do to bugs, man!"

"Nice!"

"Yeah, I try and stay frosty," he said. "Bein' on this game show is really kind of cutting into my action."

"I know what you mean. There was like this huge battle at the mansion between Kodiak and the X-Men. I could have totally been there and, well, watched it anyway."

Throwing our empty Slurpee cups into the garbage, we went back inside the store and bought a six pack of Near Beer.

"I heard that," he said as he paid the cashier. "My unit fragged a nest of Morphs last week. It sounded totally smokin' but I've just been sittin' here coolin' my heels."

"Are all your missions dangerous?" I asked, taking a long drink from the bottle.

"Totally, man! My Lieutenant is always sending me on these really, really important and highly dangerous missions. My buddies are always tellin' me that they're suicide missions and I just say that's the way I like them! Bring 'em on!"

"That is so cool!" I said, throwing my bottle into the garbage can five feet away. "Swoosh!" I yelled.

"Nice little man!" Hudson yelled. He held up his palm and I slapped him a high five.

I pulled out another beer and gulped about half of it down. "Can I ask you a question?" I finally said.

"Sure, kid."

"What do you think about this show?"

"Well . . I thought it was kind of cool at first, though I didn't really know what was going on. Seems like we haven't heard anything from Deadpool in a while though."

"Yeah. I'm kind of thinking about heading back to the mansion."

"Oh no way, kid. A marine never cuts and runs. We stay until the mission is done or the last man is dead."

"Well, okay. But we're going to need some more beer."

2006-11-09T10:59:00.000-08:00

“Man, when those radioactive Jell-O-filled containments suits went splat that was totally awesome!” Elixir said excitedly. “There was green slime all over the place!”

“Yeah that was pretty cool, kid,” I replied. I took another sip from my Slurpee. “You had a good plan there with the robots.”

“Yeah, but you had the idea about air dropping the suits. That was awesome!” Elixir jumped up and made a motion resembling a ton of radioactive Jell-O hitting the ground with his arms. “Ka-bloooie!”

Elixir and I were gettin’ kind of antsy just sittin’ around and waitin’ like this. So we went down to the Quik-E-Mart to toast our success with a couple Slurpees and hang out in the parking lot a little. I think he got grape, I got blue raspberry. Elixir’s a good kid. I don’t know why he’s all mixed up in something like this. Maybe I can take him under my wing and guide him. Like that one time I was a corporal and had a squad of my own.

“Never in my life have I seen a radioactive dessert fly like that,” I chuckled in between sucks on my straw.

“Yeah, but I bet you’ve gone on all kinds of cool missions though, huh?” the kid looked at me all doe-eyed. “I bet you’ve seen all kinds of stuff blow up.”

“Oh yeah I’ve seen all kinds of stuff blow up,” I replied all cool. “Tanks, APC’s, dropships… I’ve even seen a reactor go up and take out a whole colony.”

“Cool,” Elixir was all ears. He was itchin’ to hear some of the stuff I’ve seen. “You been on a lot of missions, huh?”

“Yeah, I have.” I slurped up some more frozen raspberry ice through its straw. “They weren’t all milk runs though. I’ve been on some bug hunts, holding actions, major operations, maneuvers, tactical withdraws, amphibious assaults, airdrops, spacedrops, joint operations, recons, Special Operations missions, decoy missions, supply runs, insertions, extractions, counter narcotics, EW, E&E, R&R, ECM, FM… Yeah, I’ve kicked a lot of tires and started a lot of fires.”

“Wow.” The kid was impressed. Real impressed.

“Haven’t you been on some missions with the X-Men?” I asked. “I bet you’ve seen some cool stuff, too.”

“Oh sure, I’ve been on some missions,” he replied. “But my skills really aren’t for fighting, y’know. Cyclops usually keeps me in the back to help out the wounded.”

“In the rear with the gear, huh?” I laughed. “So you’re a REMF.”

“A what?”

“You know, a REMF,” I replied. Jeez, someone needs to get this kid’s nose out of the book and into the real world for a little while. “You know, a Rear Echelon, uh, Mother, er, I don’t think I should say the last word in front of a kid.”

“Oh,” Elixir shrugged a little and looked down. I think he knew.

“Well, what kind of stuff have you done, then?” I asked, trying to get his spirits up a little. “Cyclops is a good leader, I bet he’s led you through some real shi- uh stuff.”

“Oh yeah, we fought the Brood once!” Elixir perked up.

“Brood? What’s that?”

“Oh man, the Brood was a totally evil bunch of space bugs.”

“Space… bugs…?”

“Yeah. They were all big and slimy and they would get all up on you and be all like ‘aaahhhhhh,’ and you be all like ‘oh no!’ and they’d be like ‘arrrhhhhh’ and then they’d stick larva in you and stuff.”

“B… bugs?”

“Oh yeah,” Elixir said excitedly. “They were real bad, man. We were lucky that we beat them all.”

“B… bugs?”

(to be continued...)

Anyone order one Frosty Colonial Marine? 'Cuz he's right here.

2006-10-24T12:40:00.000-07:00

I walked out of the In and Out after the meeting with Elixir and Henchman. During the meeting, Henchie ate the food that Elixir bought, telling him that he forgot his wallet in his other outfit, then when we almost had a plan together, Henchman laughed and slapped Elixir and said that he was a judge. I’m getting confused, so who’s on our team anyway?

“Don’t worry about that guy,” I told the young mutant. “We’ll show him how we operate.”

Elixir’s a good kid, but it takes more than that to lead a team like this. Fortunately, I have a plan. To assassinate a target like this takes a real evil mind and who’d the most evilest of them all? Super villains are! I have to get to know a super villain and pump him for evil assassination-type information.

Silently and sneakily, I crept into Deadpool’s office. I know that as merc for hire, he’s got to have some contacts in the evil super villain category – I just have to find them.

Then I saw it, Deadpool’s journal, only it had a combination lock on it. Fortunately, as a hard core Colonial Marine, I have a bunch of unusual talents. One of those talents is diary lock picking. Success, the combo was “616!”

I thumbed through the book until I saw a number for someone named “Lexy,” quickly I dialed it up on the phone.

“Luthor here,” the voice on the other end said.

“Hey Lex,” I said. “This is Private Hudson, I’m on a show and I’d like t—”

*click*

Hmm. Something must be wrong with the line. I’ll try another. Here’s a “V. Doom,” I’m sure he’ll help out, so I punched up the number on the phone.

“This is Doom,” a tinny voice on the other end rumbled.

“Dr. Doom? Hey, this is Private Hudson, I’m trying to find out what it’s like to be a super villain.”

“Private Hudson?” Doom said. “What kind of a villain’s name is that?”

“Uh, well, I’m still in training,” I managed to answer. “That’s why I called you for advice.”

“That’s what Doom gets for letting Doom’s secretary go to lunch,” he sighed. “OK, let Doom give you a few quick pointers. First, you have to refer to yourself in the third person.”

“I know, I mean, Hudson knows that he can do that,” Hudson answered. (See, it works)

“Good, another thing is that you have to think big,” Doom continued. “Why would you want to be some two-bit thug with a boomerang robbing banks or some guy with a glue gun knocking over jewelry stores when you can conquer your own country and plot revenge against your cursed enemies?”

“Think big,” I repeated.

“Doom hates that damnable Reed Richards,” Doom growled quietly. “Richards will rue the day he first crossed Doom!”

“OK.” I should have grabbed a notepad, this is some juicy stuff!

“One more thing, and this ties into thinking big,” Doom rumbled. “Thinking big means everything has to be big. You don’t just march into Washington with a bunch of troops; you need a big hypno ray or some cyborg dinosaur clones or perhaps Doom’s favorite – Doom’s time machine.”

“Wait, if you have a time machine, why don’t you go back in time and stop Richards from beating you?”

“This conversation is over!” Doom yelled and I heard the phone disconnect.

I sat there thinking about how I could think big. I needed something big and fast. Big and fast. Boy, I could go for another burger right now. Maybe some Jell-O, too.

Jell-O! That’s it!

Quickly, I got a bunch of containment suits and filled them all with radioactive Jell-O. I’ll air drop them right on top of the Koma, Synth-Lin and Cobracide robots!

Yippee Ki Yay Muther Humper!

2006-10-21T05:53:00.000-07:00

Alright! Finally! The mantle of leadership is finally mine! It's about time. I looked over at Henchman and Private Hudson and saw that they were waiting expectantly for me to give orders.

"Er . . well . . um . . what do you guys say we go and get some food at the In and Out Burger over on Camrose?" I asked them.

They nodded at each other and we grabbed a cab over to the burger joint. We got our food and then started to make our plans.

"So, uh, what do you guys think about this task?"

"I don't know, man," Hudson said, showing all the dinners the large amount of food he had managed to shove in his mouth. He swallowed and continued. "I'm not an assassin, you know? If we had to kill some giant bug monsters, no problemo."

Henchman turned to him. "If it'll ease your conscious, Koma is a super-villian."

"Uh, yeah, but isn't he a friend of yours?" I asked.

"Super-villians ally once in a while but we aren't really friends. Egos and competitions you know."

"Okay, so I got no problem fraggin' Koma," Hudson continued, pausing to take a big sip of his root beer. "But that Synth-Lin is a total fox. The H-Man has a rule about wasting foxes."

Henhman and I stared at him for several minutes. Finally I broke the silence by asking, "What is that rule?"

"I am against it. Duh!"

"Ok, but what about Corbiscide?"

"Never heard of him," Hudson said. Henchman just shrugged.

"You know that Synth-Lin is just a robot," I pointed out. "It's not really like killing anyone."

"Aren't you suppose to be one of the good-guys, kid?" Henchman asked me. "I'd think murder would be out of playbook, hero or villian."

"Uh, yeah. What I was thinking was we could just use paintball guns or something. We score a hit to a major body part and then it would count as a kill. You know what I mean?"

Hudson snorted. Then he wiped off the ketchup that was hanging on his chin. "Deadpool is a merc, man. He's a killer. I don't think he's going to be satisfied with that 'could have killed' thing."

"Well, how about we get Beast to make robot versions of them and then we kill those. We can make videos of what we do and give those to Deadpool. He'll think we killed them and we won't have to kill anybody."

They looked at each and shrugged. Then they took big bites of their burgers.

Buu's plan

2006-10-17T18:12:00.000-07:00

Ok we not find Corbicide. Koma keep disappearing. Buu can't find synth Lin life energy. Though Buu he did find TX and rip bad robot head off. So here's Buu's plan Buu blow Earth up .

This way we get them all at once, there also be no way they can get away nowhere to go. Also ther be no warning Buu just blow up planet. What you think? Hugo? Why you have hands on temples? You have headache?

CHALLENGE TWO!!!!!!!

2006-10-16T18:17:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the interruptions, but the new season of Deal or No Deal has started which has prempted our challenge.

Taks number two is to kill Corbscide, Syn-Lin, and Koma. No rules, just avoid the authorties.

Leader of one team is Elixir, the other shall be Majinn Buu.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY MINIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEFEND YOUR MASTER'S HONOR.

CHALLENGE ONE HAS ENDED

2006-10-03T14:59:00.000-07:00

The first challenge has ended. The winner is...Jumpin' Joeshausfaux. Merc' Brigade Hizzle lost because of sucking it up and Hudson getting the wrong girl. That's Orca, not Deathstroke's daughter Ravager. I couldn't make sense of Bizzaro's plan but it sounded okay to me, but yeah it didn't make sense.

Jumpin' Joeshaufaux should not celebrate so quickly though. Their is an error in their plan. I was actually created after Deathsroke. Rob Leifield stole his name to create me. Thus you should know in the Merc' biz research is always important.
You reward for winning this task shall be seeing Carrot Top live at the Apollo! Also because Oscar is a douche and has left the show, Mike is now on your team.

Bizzaro, because you make no sense I'm firing for you. Banshee's ghost scares me, apparently he never signed up for the show, just came to warn me to stay away from his daughter. So he's gone.

Next challenge up later this week! Discuss the results and team Joeshaufaux post about your experience.

-Deadpool THE GREATEST EVER, THE ONE THE LADIES WANT, AND THE MEN WANT TO BE.

Hello Friends

2006-10-02T18:52:00.000-07:00

Tonight and my commrades went out for a alcoholic beverages. We had jovial time. I just wanted to issue a quick apology for my behavior. Sometimes I can be mean. Now I must go off and give hugs to everyone.

Late night at the Apprentice

2006-09-23T09:53:00.000-07:00

The camera zooms in on the door to one of the suites as it opens. Private Hudson steps out, followed by a woman.

Woman: Oh Hudson, please come back!

Hudson: Sorry, Nikiii-With-Three-Eyes, my team needs me.

Nikiii: But I need you.

Hudson: I know. But I must be going. Sorry about you getting booted from the team for me. You're totally hot, though, if that's any consolation.

Nikiii: I'll miss you. Call me?

Hudson: You got it, babe.

Hudson walks past the camera and wags his eyebrows at it while Nikiii leans against the wall and sighs.

Nikiii: Oh that Hudson...

gulp

2006-09-16T08:58:00.000-07:00

"W-hat do you mean I-I have to take out . . him?"

"We must lose!" shouted Bizarro Manhunter. "You must stay here and not kill bad guy!"

"You want us to lose? But I . . oh right, the whole reverse thing. Great. So what you really mean is have to go and kill . . him . . so that we can win?"

"No!" Bizarro shouted with a big grin on his face.

I looked over at . . his . . brownstone and the big gaping hole in the wall Bizarro had made. Then I tried to think of some way I could beat . . man, I can't even say the guy's name. I'm not a front line guy. I stay safe back behind Colossus so I can heal people. It's not really the kind of power that does me much good against a world class assassin or whatever he is.

Deathstroke. There, I said it.

I walked across the street and knocked on the front door. Seemed a little silly what with the big hole in the wall, but the Professor says we should always be polite.

The door started to open and there stood . . him.

"H-hello, Mr. D-deathstroke," I managed to get out.

His head stretched out from the door and turned side to side, scanning the street. Turning his attention back to me, he said, "Yeah?"

"I'm, uh, participating in this, um, game show . . and I, uh . . "

"I heard. The Apprentice. What does that have to do with me?"

"Well the guy's whose, you know, running it, gave us a mission to, uh, that is . . you know . ."

"Who's the guy?"

"That's running it? Deadpool."

I could see Deathstroke bristle. "That damn poser, wannabe, rip off!? That cartoon freak has gone too far. Tonight he dies."

Deathstroke turned around to grab an uzi from behind the door. While he was facing away from, I slammed him in the back of the head with the brick I had picked up from the rubble of the wall. He slumped down to the floor. I turned around and waved at Bizarro Manhunter.

H-Man in action

2006-09-14T19:29:00.000-07:00

Greenie McJigsaw face wasn't giving me any plan to follow, so I do what any good Colonial Marine would do, I improvise, I adapt, I overcome. Time for my own plan.

First thing's first, I gotta get Deadlok's address... that's easy though as I am an expert computer technician (I can program a sentry gun in like, 5 seconds). I hack into the Guild of Calamitous Intent's mainframe and find his mailing address.

Bingo.

That's cool, the Guild's having a bingo night. I don't have time for that though, as I just found his address. Quickly, I make my way to his house and knock on his door. It opens.

"Deathstroke, I'm here to knock you out!" I declare.

"Deathstroke? I'm not Deathstroke, he lives down the street," the villain responds. "What the hootin' hey are you doing here?"

"Er, I'm on the Apprentice... mumble mumble..."

"What? Deadpool sent you here? You get out of here, jerkie, and tell that ugly mercenary that I want my schtick back."

I went to the next door and pounded on the door. It opened.

"What d'ya want yer dang whippersnapper?" the guy said while standing in the doorway.

"Uh, are you Deathstroke?" I asked.

"What? No way sonny," he answered. "He's next door, 23 skidoo!"

"Argh, fine!" I stormed next door and pounded on it twice as hard.

"What do you want?" Deathstroke demanded.

"I got something to tell you!

"Who wants a piece of Hudson. I'm gonna knock you out Mamma said knock you out. I'm gonna knock you out.I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out.I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. Anyone who catches this one gets kudos and I will help you become the last gladiator standing. Post it in comments. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out.I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out, mamma said knock you out. I’m gonna knock you out.Ya hear."

Deathstroke leaned forward and twisted my wrist around into the most uncomfortable position.

"What... are... you... doing... here?" he growled at me.

"The... uh... Apprentice..."

"Oh for the love of... geez. Just get out of here, would you?"

Sigh, well, that didn't work so well. At least I got Deadpool a date with Deathstroke's daughter.

You all Suck...

2006-09-14T16:24:00.000-07:00

I read Bizzaro Martian's dumbass plan. I couldn't understand it so I kicked Hudson in the nuts and poked that Deathstroke guy's other eye out. Than I went home. You all suck.

Our plan.

2006-09-14T16:08:00.000-07:00

Us am going to attack Deathstroke. Me am break down door, and it fly off. It am big uncool entrance, and am very non-dramatic. Then us am attack Deatstroke. Mike am whack him bad, and Elixir am going to not help at all. Hudson am then blast him to pieces. We am pacifists. Then we am smash his mother and make Deadpool not sleep with her. It sounds like bad plan, yes? Because it amn't.

This is how Buu Dance......

2006-09-12T21:50:00.000-07:00

Hugo explained plan to Buu real good. Buu dance then turn people into chocolate, Buu like plan . Buu just sad he doesn't get to eat chocolate. When we walk out side Buu see Henchman who likes to hit contestants .

This time when he hit Buu, Me absorb Henchman into body.

" You didn't say you could do that." says Hugo.

" You not ask."

"Yes I did , never mind let's go."

" Later at club, Buu Dance his best , Death stroke and his lawyer seem to like it a lot with words like, " Ugh! Why God? Why Noooooooooo!"

Then Mr Hugo say it 's time to give Mr Deathstroke Lap dance he show appreciation, by screaming , and throwing up in mask. He sign papers then Hugo tell me, to turn them into chocolate, His lawyer gets turned, But deathstroke jump out of way. He tries to stab me , but just hits Henchman, who I spit out and knocking down one eye man.

Buu tear off piece of belly and throw it at them, Deathstroke, and Henchman's arm are wrapped up.

Buu sit on them to stop them fighting. Buu Turn Deathstroke, and And Henchman's are into chocolate. " You idiot couldn't have waited until I got out of the way?" yells Henchman . Buu Ignored him, and delivered chocolate to Bea Arthur.

Next step get Ravager to sleep with Deadpool. Buu not sure what so fun about sleeping but ok . She sign contract , then find out about Fine print , she mad until Hugo explain Death Stroke no want her to do this . But after we take her back to Apprentice place, she run out screaming .

" What wrong? " Buu ask.

" Have you seen his face?"

Buu fix it so you see ugly people as fantasy man. I put hand on her eye, She look at Buu, funny. " Homina Homina." " Why You look at Buu like that?" Next thing Buu know she make Buu feel good in pants area . Buu Buu embarrassed to say more.

Next she go into Deadpool Room, Robin? What are you doing here, Sweet I can bag, The Teen, version of the World's finest!"

Buu not sure who Robin is, but she think Deadpool is him , me think me accomplish mission.

Hudson team assignment

2006-09-12T15:18:00.000-07:00

Due to mysterious circumstances Hudson will replace Nikiii on team, I foregot the name but he's replacing her. Yup.

The Plan

2006-09-12T11:49:00.000-07:00

Anyway the lawyer dude will be with Buu. You will be known as team Jumpin' Joeshausfaux. Your other three-team members who are currently not here will be Crystal, Oscar, and Zombie Bill. Lawyer Dude you are project manager on this task. Sammy will be watching you perform this task.

The first task shall be defeat that slack jawed loser copycat Deathstroke. He rubs me the wrong way. Even his real name is Slade Wilson, mine's Wade Wilson. He's cramping my style. Also seduce his hawt daughter into sleeping with me. Each project manager will post their plan on how to do this. The other team members are to post their accounts how the mission went and why their project manager sucks donkey balls. My judges shall report back to me what they thought and why they think you accomplished or failed.

Okay so the first challenge was set… I was assigned as project manager. Okay not so hard… Many times I had to sit in while the Black Plague made his dark plans, occasionally stepping in when I felt legal repercussions may follow. Of course it was always my job to find out ways around them.

So it seems we have a copycat…. I could use copyright infringement. Hmmm, only one member of my team is here so I will call upon him…

"Mr. Buu, My name is Tohell, Hugo Tohell. Tell me what are your talents?" I say sitting in my comfortable leather desk chair…

Suddenly my little Djin friend strips his clothes off and starts dancing and singing, "Buu takes off his under pants and see how Buu dance…"

"My eyes.. ugh… I mean good good Mr. Buu, please put your pants on and tell me about any other Talents you may have," Talk about your cruel and unusual punishments, I plop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets in a glass of water….

Mr. Buu then informed me he could turn people into Chocolate. "AH-HAH!"

The little Light bulb went off in my head…

Mr. Buu allow me to tell you "The Plan"…

"I would like you to watch these videos", I place some tapes on the table, Pussycat Dolls', 'Buttons and Don't cha' Fergie's 'London Bridge' just to name a few, "study closely the dances the young ladies. See Mr. Buu I think you have talent and can do these dances so much better than these ladies. While you are studying I will proceed to my office and draw up a few legal documents. I will rent a 'gentles' club' but request none of the ladies be present. My office will then call and arrange a meeting with Mr. Slade Wilson and his Lawyer. I will have documents for him to sign that states he will change his name and refrain from copying Mr. Deadpool in anyway or pay Mr. Deadpool 100% royalties. Of course his Lawyer will argue and say I am wasting their time that I can't win such a case against especially since he will of course blame Mr. Deadpool of doing the copying but we know the truth and we my good friend Mr. Buu will get them to sign. See My friend we will let you be the entertainment and you will do dances and song for them."

I smiled

"I can see it now. His lawyer you try to be professional and advise Mr. Slade Wilson not to sign… Perhaps even after you start dancing but then I will say, 'I think they need a table dance Mr. Buu…'. I will dangle the pen for them to take and sign the documents, if they hesitate I will suggest a lap dance. Mr. Slade Wilson's lawyer will scream, 'fir the love of god man sign!'"

I begin to laugh at my brilliance

"After they sign, then Mr. Buu you will get dressed and turn them both into a box of heart shape chocolate. That you Mr. Buu will deliver to Miss Bea Arthur… You will inform her that the delicious chocolate is from Mr. Deadpool, her number one fan and watch as she eats Mr. Deadpool's troubles away…. "

As I laughed evilly Mr. Buu sat staring at me with this blank look….

"Mr. Deadpool will then get 100% of all royalties from any reruns, death announcements and such by this Deathstroke…"

The Dancing Djin looked at me, "and His daughter?"

"I will get her to sign a contract for some Ravager merchandizing at the expense of her father and in the fine print will be a clause that she has to sleep with Deadpool and that if she breaks the contract She will have to watch you Dance for 30 years. Enraged that her father has betrayed her, She now hates her father, When I visit her I will mention kind of let it slip that her father has forbid her to Sleep with Deadpool…. Even if she isn't afraid of breaking the contract she will sleep with him to get even with her father."

See how nicely that is done….

"MY eyes… Mr. Buu what are you doing?"

"Buu practice dance from video…."

Private Hudson comin' through!

2006-09-11T17:08:00.000-07:00

I'm ready, man, check it out. I am the ultimate badass! State of the badass art! You do NOT want to eff with me. Check it out! Hey everybody, don't worry. Me and my squad of ultimate badboys will protect you! Check it out! Independently targeting particle beam phalanx. Whoa! Fry half a city with this puppy. We got tactical smart missiles, phase-plasma pulse rifles, RPGs, we got sonic electronic ball breakers! We got nukes, we got knives, sharp sticks--

Outa my way, Pointdexter, there's a hero comin' through.
I'm gonna smash the competition through and through.

Stand back, giant fat guy in a diaper, the H-Man is in town.
Anyone gets in my way will surely get knocked the heck down!

Look out, Jigsaw Face, I'm the man of the hour
Shootin' 95 rounds out of my M41A Pulse Rifle is my super power!

Hey little kid in tight spandex, you seem out of your league
If you want to look at a real hero, just look at the guy in combat fatigues!

You, Henchman! I owe you one and I'm gonna put you in your place
Ooof! When I chased after you, I tripped and totally fell on my face!

The FIRST CHALLENGE

2006-09-10T14:23:00.000-07:00

Welcome! As you all know I am Deadpool, the greatest Mercenary around. We have six more contestants joining us shortly. We're currently working on negations to get them from lent from the playboy mansion. I'm sure you're all familar with my assoicates Henchmen and Samuel L. Jackson.

"MY NAME'S NICK FURY DAMNIT!"

Shush Samuel L. the grown ups are talking. Anywaythe lawyer dude will be with Buu. You will be known as team Jumpin' Joeshausfaux. Your other three team members who are currently not here will be Crystal, Oscar, and Zombie Bill. Lawyer Dude you are project manager on this task. Sammy will be watching you perform this task.

The other team will consist of Bizzaro version of Mr. Double Poster and Elixir. Your team shall be called the Merc' Brigade Hizzle. You will be joined by Mike, Nikiii(that's with three eyes), and Banshee's Ghost! Bizzaro J'onn will be project manger for this task. Hency shall keep his eye on you guys.

Your first task shall be defeat that slack jawed loser copy cat Deathstroke. He rubs me the wrong way. Even his real name is Slade Wilson, mine's Wade Wilson. He's cramping my style. Also seduce his hawt daughter into sleeping with me. Each project manager will post their plan on how to do this. The other team members are to post their accounts how the mission went and why their project manager sucks donkey balls. My judges shall report back to me what they thought and why they think you accomplished or failed.

Alright, make way . .

2006-09-07T16:56:00.000-07:00

. . big time super-hero coming through. That's right, I'm an X-Man. I'll be signing autographs in the lobby until 5pm.

Buuuuuuuuuuu!

2006-09-07T05:28:00.000-07:00

Buu Here! Buu Here! pow pow! Ow !Ow ! Hehehehehehehehe! Wait where is Buu?

I get no respect...

2006-09-06T13:21:00.000-07:00

However things are going to change....

I will make people respect me....

Let the game begin

Alright Maggots

2006-09-06T06:19:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gents,

I am Henchman 432; Finalist of Last Gladiator Standing. I fought Grey Hulk to a draw. Stolen Hudson's credit card. Taken on a Evil Gaia. I also a judge of The Apprentice: Mercenary Edition.

Do not piss me off.

All of you are wanna be's, until you prove yourselves.

*Slaps Elixir*

Soon the games will start.

Dental for all.

Dr.Polaris rules.

You am let me die- -

2006-09-03T12:46:00.000-07:00

If me amn't going to register eventually, me get to die! Do remember to unregister later!

Prizes

2006-08-18T18:45:00.000-07:00

Okay so here's a quick rundown of the prizes.

1st place gets a great package which includes the following:

-A guest spot on the upcoming revival of my tv show(that's right, its coming back!)
-You get to be my roomie for at least one year since Cable disapperaed.
-You also get to rub off my spotlight, by becoming a member of my blog and edit the settings and stuff too.
-I shall ensure that you get merc jobs.
-You'll be apart of my cool new superteam(which includes sexy babe Super-girl)
-And much more!

2nd prize:
-A personalized autographafter $69.99

Rest:
-Personalized stab wounds.

WELCOME

2006-08-03T12:55:00.000-07:00

Welcome to The Apprentice Mercenary Edition. Over the course of this interview process you, the contestants will be fighting over the job as my apprentice. You'll be seperated into two different teams. Each week you will be given a task to complete, with a team leader devising a strategey plan to get said task accomplished. The winning team each week shall be rewarded, while the losing team will deal with me in the board room(or my hot tub[ladies?]). In my hot tub I shall be firing each member of the losing team shall explain why they think they lost and who was the dork that messed the task up. My advisors who were watching your task shall advise me who to fire. Also if you're a hot senorita you're less likely to get fired than say if you're fat like the Slug or Kingpin.

Anyway we'll be starting in a bit!